What I say and what I mean.

That sounds like fun. = Please for the love of GOD don't invite me!

Sure, we'll be there. = I guess I can stomach this for a few hours before I make my excuses and get the hell out.

We can go get coffee and talk = Coffee is the only balance that is going to keep me from telling you that I don't give a shit about your crybaby whiney assed opinions or problems.

LOL = That was so god damn stupid I am at a loss for words.

That sounds great. = FML this is going to suck.

I love my family. = If I keep saying this, eventually the urge to run through the house screaming and punching walls will subside.

Today is a good day. = Hey, look.. Someone got screwed and it wasn't me..

Life is good. = Revenge is fun.

I can't wait. = I can't wait to get this over with.

You're an amazing person. = You're less shitty than most shitheads on this shithole planet.

I love you more than life. = I hate life so pretty much I just tolerate you better than I do most. (My half husband and family don't count because I really do love them)

Thank you. = Surprise surprise that's really what I mean.. I'm not ALWAYS  mean, god!

Please stop. = Get the frick out of my face before I gouge your eyes out with a spork.

Go away. = Step away, slowly and carefully.

Good point. = I guess you aren't as bat-shit crazy as I thought.

I'm impressed. = That's the only smart thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth.

That's a good idea. = I wait with anticipation to see which of the 46 possible ways it could backfire blows up in your face. You're back on the dumbass list.